Thursday, September 17, 2009

Yokohama Beach (Draft)

You could hear my cousins & friends strumming to the ukulele, singing to local hawaiian music just waiting to arrive at Yokohama. We still had about a hour and a half to arrive at our destination. As I was looking out the window, I could the long shoreline of beaches breaking the the shore. As I looked on the otherside of the car, I could the Makaha Mountain Range, with different shades of green & brown covering the mountain.

We had finally arrived at Yokohama Beach. Yokohama Beach is like a second home to me. As you look out to the beach, you see the long stretch of untouched sand waiting for you to step on it. You could hear roar of the waves crashing against the shore. The clear crystal blue water was making you want to just jump into the water. It was so tempting to go into the water, but we had to get all the tents & food all out the car & set it up on the beach. I stepping on the sand, it was burning hot. Felt like you were on a hot stove being cooked.

I jumped into the cold water. It was so refreshing & the salty water being splashed against your face, taking the stress & the negativity out of you. As I looked out the the ocean, I could see the I was surrounding by reef, I ran to the shore to get my snorkel because I had a feeling that there were a lo t of reef fish swimming all over. I dove into the water, looking at the reef that I was about to approach. I could see the stripes of white, yellow & black of the butterfly fish swimming past me. As I was diving deeper & deeper into the water, I could see black sea urchins & tiny clear shrimp in the small holes of the reef. While I was swimming, I could see a dark figure swimming at me about 50 yards away. As it got closer, I got kind of nervous & scared. I was thinking to myself that a big shark was gonna attack. The black figure got closer & closer, & I just realized that it was just a honu, or a green sea turtle. The turtle was harmless & didn't do anything to me at all. It was just swimming more to the shore to feed on the seaweed on the rocks.

It was about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, & all of a sudden, the waves started to get bigger & bigger. All you could see were surfers just arriving & took out there shortboards & ran to the water. The lifegaurd said that the surf was gonna get big towards the afternoon. I got really excited because I brought my surfboard with me to the beach. So I rewaxed my board & ran straight into the water. My first wave & I got a barrel. The wind rushing through & the water just sprays you as you get out of it. The barrel is what every surfer wants in his or her life.

Yokohama is my favorite to be at to make me happy.

2 comments:

  1. You're essay is really good. I could clearly see how the setting looks like just the way you described it. I feel the same way when I'm at the beach. Although, you had some typos and your conlusion could be a bit longer if necessary. There was also one sentence where it had said that you were scared and nervous because of the honu. I think that sentence could just use one verb, either scared or nervous. Which ever you prefer. But over all, I love your essay. haha (:

    -Alex

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  2. Hi Kiana,
    I agree with Alex that you've done a nice job on your description.
    I have two recommendations for your revision. First, be sure to show how your querencia has helped to shape you as a person.
    Second, take out all of the second person (you) in the essay. Keep to the first person (I, we, us, etc)
    Good luck on the revision.
    mrs s

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